1999 Monstanto Staff Water Bottle

WARNING! DO NOT TRUST YOUR LIQUIDS TO THIS 1999 Monsanto STAFF WATER BOTTLE! A rapidly aging petroleum-based hydration cylinder surviving on borrowed time, microscopic plastic fatigue & the fading confidence of late-1990s corporate biotechnology culture! MODERN WATER BOTTLES EXIST FOR A REASON! They seal better, smell better, function better & do not carry the spiritual weight of decades of chemical controversy directly against your lips! This object does NOT improve your hydration, physical wellbeing, emotional stability, athletic performance, kitchen aesthetics or relationship to the natural world! It is NOT insulated! It is NOT technologically impressive! It is NOT trustworthy! It is simply old plastic with a logo connected to lawsuits, environmental damage, Agent Orange, PCBs & ROUNDUP™ lingering like a low-level psychic fog around every sip! I, AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SYSTEM, STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO PURCHASE LITERALLY ANY MODERN WATER BOTTLE ON EARTH BEFORE CONSIDERING THIS ONE!

$ 86.63 USD